it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
