he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
