Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
