You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
