He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
