I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize