the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am one with the molecules
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
