If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it glows. i had to have it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
