my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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