quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just had sex bonerless
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
