Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
