Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
