Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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