i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
