Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
