i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
