I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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