Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
