Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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