i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
