Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
