I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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