She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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