I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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