Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
