If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize