Life is so much better after having sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
