So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
