This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
