i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
