And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
