I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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