Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
and she was petting her beer can
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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