the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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