well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
