So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
