I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
