Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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