so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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