Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We are all done wearing pants today
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
