ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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