Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
