Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
