Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize