RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
PANTIES FOUND
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