I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
