why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
