This is not my ceiling
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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