he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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