Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
