He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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