Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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