Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
