i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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