I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
