Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
