dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She tied me up with her honor cords...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
