i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
