Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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