he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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