I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
