I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
