I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
