My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
