I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
