Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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