I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Someone signed my nipple.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
