I want to have your abortion
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
