Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
