I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
