Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
