we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
how drunk are you?
Several
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
