what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
