How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
