My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize