You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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