I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize