Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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